I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
