and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
