I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
