this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
