Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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