Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
