yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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