and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
