the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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