The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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