I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
