mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
