i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
