Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
