I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
