Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
