I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
