dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
