At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
