I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
