omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
