I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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