he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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