Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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