We're facebook friends in real life
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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