If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
