I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
