oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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