I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
