My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
