people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
