Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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