I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
