I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
