Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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