I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
