im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
