Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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