Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
