apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
