I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
