i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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