I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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