Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
