i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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