Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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