just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
