i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
