True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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