my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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