If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
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