she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
