Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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