She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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